Some girl is sleeping in my bed…

Life is interesting… Or maybe I should say people are interesting. Matter of fact I’m interesting (not to toot my own horn or anything). I have dreamed of living in New York City longer than I can remember. I’ve always been infatuated with the lights, glamour, hustle, people, food, and art. Another dream of mine was to become a clothing Buyer. I’ve always wanted to be the person that chose the fabulous blouse and great jeans that made someone’s day. Whelp a few months ago, after years of studying the business, struggling, failing, then finally succeeding, my dreams came true. I got promoted to Buyer and moved to New York City into a fabulous (yet small) studio apartment on the Upper East Side. Everyday, I now get to select, edit, and buy the fabulous blouse and jeans that I’ve always wanted to.

Life is great and I could not ask for anything more. To get to see a dream of mine come to fruition at the tender age of 24, is amazing and powerful at the same time. I am so proud of myself and everything that I’ve accomplished. But.. and there is always a but… in transitioning into my self defined greatness I’ve also realized that I’ve left a lot behind me; my home in Boston, friends, and boyfriend. My old roommate has found a new roommate, my boyfriend still frequents our old hangout spots without me, and my friends are still up to their antics without me present. My intentions when writing this were to express how sad I was about everything not stopping because I was no longer present, which I know sounds wildly self-centered of me, but this is my blog and I can speak my truth (so ha!).

After further thought I now realize that my decision to move was a critical and necessary one for ME. I chose to make the decision to move to NYC and live alone to challenge myself and live out my dreams. To think that everything would stop or slow down purely because I was no longer there was ridiculous. Life goes on. It doesn’t slow down for anything or anyone. For the past three months, I have felt like I’ve been missing out on everything in Boston, when in actuality I’ve been missing out on things in New York. I now realize that sometimes you have to let go of something good to get something great (career wise, not my friends/ boyfriend.. I love them).

To sit and wish I was somewhere else is to waste where I am now. I need to sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I got here…. now to figure out what to do with it all.

You Can Only Control the Controllables

I am a control freak, this I know.  If there is anything I know about myself, it’s that if it can be planned, put into an Excel spreadsheet, checked off, or crossed out, I am all over it. For those of you who are the “fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants” kind of people, I either sound like an alien from another planet or your best friend. My ability to juggle tons of details is perfect for my line of work, but murderous in all other aspects of my life, like the weather, my love life, friendships, and the general day- to-day functions of being a human being.

This past Sunday, I watched an episode of Super Soul Sunday on OWN featuring DeVonn Franklin a film executive, pastor, author, motivational speaker, and husband to Meaghan Good. Throughout the episode he used an analogy that related life to a movie project. He spoke in a spiritual sense about God being the director and us being there to co-create our lives. He went on to talk about conflict being the key to building character and growing on-screen and off.  Like any good movie, the ability of actors to accept conflict and push themselves to further to new heights, is the key to developing the storyline (and makes for great ratings!).

He went on to say that we needed to know what the vision of our lives was, and gain clarity about our purpose. Without doing so, we would be unclear of our next steps and goals.

Whether you are a religious, spiritual, or an atheist, the message can still be received.  What I got out of it, was that we can not control everything in our lives, so the less we stress about everything being “perfect” the more we can concentrate on development and growth. The more we persevere through hardships, struggles, and against eating that delicious chocolate fudge brownie, the more we grow as people (I am trying to give up sweet treats!).

Being a twenty-something is hard purely for the fact that I have no idea who I am yet. I have no idea what it really feels like to hit rock bottom, nor do I want to. I have no idea how far I will go or how long it will take me to get there.  But I will say that it feels damn great to know that I can’t fuck this up because I cannot control everything else around me. All I can control is myself, and in some way that’s empowering. I have to have faith in myself that I can create my vision, my inspiration, and my development, the rest is up to the universe.

Here’s a link to a clip from the episode: Super Soul Sunday- DeVon Franklin

Yes, I happen to be a 20something living in 2013

Happy Monday!

Last week I was contacted by David, the author of 20somethings in 2013 blog.  He asked if I would be interested in writing a profile about myself, my career, and what I have done thus far to accomplish my goals.  At first,   I was ECSTATIC,  but after about an hour or two, I realized that this profile was much like writing my self review. Not only did I need to be clear on what my career goals were, but  I needed to be honest about what steps I have taken to achieve them. YIKES!

Welp I faced my fears, and wrote this awesome post. Here’s the link to my profile and his blog, check it out:  20Somethings Profile 

 

My Life, One Big Romantic Comedy

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. We have a genuine connection without all the drama. It’s just two people who are best friends and share common interests. It’s one of those relationships that forced me to re-evaluate all of my previous ones and smack myself for all the dumb decisions I’ve made. The difference between this relationship and all others, is that I realized that if I wanted that “Rom-Com” kind of love, I needed to cast the right actor for the role. I needed to find that person that I *SPARKED* with, who I had that organic chemistry with. I was in search of the “Carrie & Big” kind of chemistry, minus all the breakup stuff. So I set my sights on meeting my “Mr. Big” and lucky me, I found him!

In this life, you have to use all resources to gain perspective on all things foreign, why should love be any different? Romantic Comedies can be used as tools to gain the upper hand in all things related to love, if used properly. You laugh now, but having watched He’s Just Not That Into You, Hitch, The Devil Wears Prada, and all six seasons of Sex and the City more than 1,000 times I am fully qualified to speak on all things pertaining to love. I know in my previous posts I’ve warned against watching movies (see: Don’t Watch Movies) when getting out of a relationship, but when trying to start one, movies are the perfect vehicle to learn from others’ mistakes without having to go through the embarrassment yourself.

Situation #1 : You’ve been dating the same guy for 7 years, you live together, and he hasn’t proposed because he doesn’t believe in marriage. Solution: Break up with him. When you have a family emergency and he comes back like a Knight in shining armor , take him back. Remind yourself that the only conditions that need to be placed on your relationship are the ones you mutually agree upon.

Situation #2: You broke up with your guy after finding out that he’s secretly the “Date-Doctor”, whom you think only helps guys get into bed with women, but then find out that he’s actually the “Love Doctor”. Solution: Apologize, and when he doesn’t accept it, wait. When he finally figures out that you are the one, play hard-to-get. Feel free to use your sister’s good-looking husband as a prop in your scheme. Remind yourself that you are worth him taking the leap of faith with you in this relationship, even if his leap includes a physical one on top of your Mini Cooper.

Situation #3: When you and your guy breakup because you finally got a job that will open a ton doors for you, and propel you further in your career; and you spend more time at work, going to parties, running errands around NYC, wearing Chanel boots, and flying to Paris than you spend eating Jarlsberg grilled cheese sandwiches in your studio apartment with your boyfriend. Solution: You will realize that your job sucks; you’ll quit and still get an awesome reference. Then, you’ll end up meeting up with your ex and he’ll tell you he’s moving to Boston, you’ll know that the train ride is only 3 hours from NYC and you two will have time to work on your relationship

Situation#4: If you have been dating a guy for 10 years, but he he’s having a tough time committing to you, moves to Napa, has his guard up ALL the time, gets married and divorced twice, and still has trouble getting out of limos to join you at the altar. Solution: Remind yourself that love does not conquer all; you still need to pay rent, and live your own life. Things generally don’t work out when you are willing to give more than the other person. After you both realize this, it will be the most opportune time for the love of your life to literally sweep you off your feet.

I can’t say it’s a perfect science, but hey.. Something clicked

You’re Only as Strong as your Weakest Link

Thus far in my life there has never been a time when I thought I couldn’t do something. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I have doubted my abilities and the outcome, but never have I ever thought that I could not do something. I have my Mom to thank for the encouragement and good rearing, which was heavily based on the efficacy principle (more to come of that!).

This philosophy has worked in every aspect of my life EXCEPT when it came to being healthy and working out. I seemed to have a hard time getting on the treadmill and putting down the cosmos, late night snacks, and ice cream. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m 300 pounds or anything, but I do want to be healthy and live a long life. More importantly, I would like to put on a bathing suit and not want to go on a cottage cheese and water diet 1 week before my vacation (I do not recommend at all, totally not safe and not all that effective).

So in an effort to stay healthy and look semi-decent in a bathing suit come summer time, I’ve decided to be smart about this whole thing and come up with a plan. Life is short blah blah blah, I know– but I think I can be healthy and drink wine (red wine of course) at the same time.

So far, here’s the plan:

1. Learn how to eat healthy – Go see a nutritionist and read health magazine and blogs.
2. Sign up for Myfitnesspal.com to track my progress. This website allows you to track both food and exercise.
3. Use Pintrest as a motivating tool Pintrest board- Working on my Fitness Board
   
4. Try to go Vegetarian in the month of March.
5. Stick to it!

Any other things to consider??

Has Business School Taught me Nothing?

In college there may or may not have been a heavy emphasis on the word networking. Being in business school, I might have heard a few lectures surrounding the topic, all of which until recently, I had filed away under “things you learn in college but are not really applicable”. Subjects such as geometry and earth science can be filed there; I mean who really cares all that much about sedimentary rocks or what temperature lava boils?

So I’m sure you can imagine my shock and horror when I found myself going to the Massachusetts Conference for Women without a business card tucked ever so neatly in my handbag. What’s that I hear? The grasp heard around the world?! She went to a professional conference without business cards?!

YES! So shoot me!

Well here’s what happened– the night before I found myself walking all over the streets of Boston, boyfriend in toe, trying to find a 24 hour Fedex Office. I thought that if I could throw something together, I could at least pretend to be professional at this thing.  Unfortunately, Fedex Office needs at least 2-4 days to print business cards, so again I saw no salvation to my dilemma.

Whelp ladies and gentlemen much like everything written in the blog, there is a lesson here.

1. Always do your homework before going to a professional event.
2. Someone invented Vistaprint for a reason, USE it!
3. Don’t stress yourself out too much!
4. Be clear on what you want to get out of the event
5. Follow-up!!!

For those of you who are wondering, I ended up having a great time at the conference. I chose not to stress about my lack of business cards, but rather focus on meeting new people, having conversations and asking for their cards! It ended up being a great conference, and I learned a lot about myself and networking. Below is a link to the conference, if you are in the Boston area, make sure to check it out: http://www.maconferenceforwomen.org/

I’m only myself after the hours of 9-5 and at Happy Hour

What does it mean to be authentic?

As I go through what one might call a quarter life crisis, I’ve tried to identify traits that I hold dear to me in all of my relationships. Knowing that authenticity and one’s ability to remain consistent to some degree is of importance to me, I try to hold on to the people in my life that I feel are truly being themselves. But then I couldn’t help but challenge/ critic my own thought process. Knowing that I am going through a ” quarter life crisis”, where I am trying to find myself, how can I expect the people in my life to know themselves to a higher degree than I do? What makes it okay for me to be inconsistent and on my journey, but not okay for others? To be honest the truth is, it makes ME feel better to have some consistency in my life, meaning that those in my life need to have things already figured out!

So knowing that is completely unreasonable and stupid, what can I do to prevent these high expectations from bubbling up in my mind?  Seeing people for the good they bring to the table rather than what they bring to ME is one way to look at it, though it may be asking too much in the moment. If I’m being honest.

I’ve dedicated to judge based on authenticity and one’s ability to remain true to their core values in all situations. Consistency  can no longer be the gauge,but  AUTHENTICITY I can certainly respect.

Feedback is my worst best friend

I’ve grown up in an age where seeking feedback is the lifeline to success. Asking for feedback and interpreting it into the needs of the business or of the team can be the difference between a promotion and a demotion.

Recently, I’ve noticed that I utilize this business inter personal skill in my personal life as well. What I’m finding, is that much like at work not all feedback is solicited and useful in the words they may be conveyed with. I’m finding that everyone is going through their own journeys and life lessons, but their life lessons may not be in sync with my own lessons. I’m trying to get a better sense of how to maintain myself within all of my relationships, and the best way I know how is to listen when feedback is being given, try to really listen to what that person really may be trying to say, remain calm, and until I fully process say “thanks, ill think about that more”.

 What I am finding is that relationships are work, but not every conversation requires me to alter who I really am at my core..

No Pink Roses, but we got Red Wine

Everybody wants to feel loved. A simple yet hefty statement. Though, this statement lends itself to allow people to go great lengths to feel loved and fall in love. But how far is too far? And more importantly how much are we willing to give up to get it? Is there an equation for love, some hidden set of rules for who and when we get our shot?

I mean don’t get me wrong, I love falling in love, and the feeling of a great date. I’m not going to sit here and bullshit you into thinking I’m one of those fuck men I don’t need “d*ck kind of women. Because truth is everyone needs it. Yes gay men out there I mean you too, and you too Miss I parade around judging all those tramps fornicating all over the place. Meanwhile, you’re the girl keeping Pornhub.com in business I AM TALKING TO YOU!

Well back to the point, sorry I get a little testy when it comes to the judgmental ones.

We go through great lengths to be in relationships. Here are a few of my gems:

You wait by your phone checking to make sure you have service, volume is on high, or you sit and wait for that tiny red dot to start blinking, or the message window to pop up, on the off chance you went deaf and blind, at the exact same time that all the cell phone towers around you all of a sudden suffered some mechanical failure that oh so tragically prevented you from receiving that fabulous if not meaningful response to your ” hey last night was fun, want to do something this week?” text.
Then when your response comes 3 hours later in the form of ” umm yea, sure hit me up.” You somehow are giddy with joy and can’t believe he wants to see you again! You begin to dance around the living room like you’ve just won the $5,000,000 Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.

You “casually” start stopping by the bar by his house when his favorite football team is playing to “grab a beer with your friends” on the off chance he might be there.

Dates become late night McDonalds runs on your side of town just on the off chance that he runs into Dave, you know his “annoying friend who he’s been trying to avoid”, and its just easier to drive the 15 miles to your McDonalds.

Please don’t take this as me passing judgment, I’ve been there been there done it a thousand times too many. But, just a thought, we all agree we are willing to go some large distances to prove to ourselves that we can deal with all of his “quirks” because this could go “somewhere”. He maybe flaking, rude, judgmental, distant, fucking other people, taking 4 hours to answer text messages, but somewhere deep down he really cares and wants to make this work. ERRGGGGHHH????

The place you have arrived to is called Settletown population 1,000,000. This is the place where you settle for a hamburger when you deserve the Filet Mignon. Grape juice instead of that fabulous glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, Fro-yo instead of Ice Cream, Regular instead of Premium, or a vibrator instead of the real deal! I am in no way trying to be rude and negative but really doe? Get it together!
Sometimes in a relationships, and I do mean a relationship, in which two people are equally physically and emotionally invested, you go the distance. Get out of your comfort zone, compromise, hell you may even start watching sports. But ladies let’s be real you know when you aren’t being true to your self. Muster up the strength and move forward because there are over 4 billion men in the world, this loser isn’t the ONE.

An Ode to Ms. Barbara Walters

Welcome to 3rd Grade. Mrs. Rosenfeld’s Class . Voorhees Elementary School. “Pick someone who you what to be like when you grow up. Everyone will do a presentation of their  person.” I picked Barbara Walters. I wanted to be a …