You Can Only Control the Controllables

I am a control freak, this I know.  If there is anything I know about myself, it’s that if it can be planned, put into an Excel spreadsheet, checked off, or crossed out, I am all over it. For those of you who are the “fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants” kind of people, I either sound like an alien from another planet or your best friend. My ability to juggle tons of details is perfect for my line of work, but murderous in all other aspects of my life, like the weather, my love life, friendships, and the general day- to-day functions of being a human being.

This past Sunday, I watched an episode of Super Soul Sunday on OWN featuring DeVonn Franklin a film executive, pastor, author, motivational speaker, and husband to Meaghan Good. Throughout the episode he used an analogy that related life to a movie project. He spoke in a spiritual sense about God being the director and us being there to co-create our lives. He went on to talk about conflict being the key to building character and growing on-screen and off.  Like any good movie, the ability of actors to accept conflict and push themselves to further to new heights, is the key to developing the storyline (and makes for great ratings!).

He went on to say that we needed to know what the vision of our lives was, and gain clarity about our purpose. Without doing so, we would be unclear of our next steps and goals.

Whether you are a religious, spiritual, or an atheist, the message can still be received.  What I got out of it, was that we can not control everything in our lives, so the less we stress about everything being “perfect” the more we can concentrate on development and growth. The more we persevere through hardships, struggles, and against eating that delicious chocolate fudge brownie, the more we grow as people (I am trying to give up sweet treats!).

Being a twenty-something is hard purely for the fact that I have no idea who I am yet. I have no idea what it really feels like to hit rock bottom, nor do I want to. I have no idea how far I will go or how long it will take me to get there.  But I will say that it feels damn great to know that I can’t fuck this up because I cannot control everything else around me. All I can control is myself, and in some way that’s empowering. I have to have faith in myself that I can create my vision, my inspiration, and my development, the rest is up to the universe.

Here’s a link to a clip from the episode: Super Soul Sunday- DeVon Franklin

Jamba Juice Ain’t Got Nothing on Me

This morning I woke up at 6:00 a.m. And if you knew me, you’d know that is UNHEARD of for this woman. I am not to be disturbed until after my first sip of coffee. But this morning was different; this morning, I had planned to start the morning healthy and take the first steps toward a different lifestyle. After spending more than half my Sunday looking up workouts, vitamin supplements, probiotics, healthy food choices, and recipes for the perfect smoothie; I set out on my journey to the grocery store. With my bags a lot heavier and wallet A LOT lighter, I returned armed and ready for the healthy life I’ve been talking about since the beginning of the year and in my previous post You’re Only as Strong as your Weakest Link.

Being the planner that I am, I planned out my meals for the week, and breakfast I decided would be special.  Breakfast, was going to be a Citrus Berry Smoothie, which I was so exited to try out. So excited, that I woke up at the crack of dawn and dragged the boyfriend into the kitchen to witness my amazing “future wife making smoothie skills”.  As I  got out all the necessary ingredients, I talked up how good this smoothie was going to be, how great we were both going to feel, and how a healthy life was the best life. But as I reached for the blender, my weak non iron pumping arms gave out and for what felt like 30 minutes everything was in slow motion. As I watched the blender slowly crash to the floor and shatter into a million little pieces, I felt my citrus smoothie dreams crash along with it. Talk about starting your morning right.

Attempt #2 tomorrow:  I bought a new blender and I even did a few push-ups for good measure.

Has Business School Taught me Nothing?

In college there may or may not have been a heavy emphasis on the word networking. Being in business school, I might have heard a few lectures surrounding the topic, all of which until recently, I had filed away under “things you learn in college but are not really applicable”. Subjects such as geometry and earth science can be filed there; I mean who really cares all that much about sedimentary rocks or what temperature lava boils?

So I’m sure you can imagine my shock and horror when I found myself going to the Massachusetts Conference for Women without a business card tucked ever so neatly in my handbag. What’s that I hear? The grasp heard around the world?! She went to a professional conference without business cards?!

YES! So shoot me!

Well here’s what happened– the night before I found myself walking all over the streets of Boston, boyfriend in toe, trying to find a 24 hour Fedex Office. I thought that if I could throw something together, I could at least pretend to be professional at this thing.  Unfortunately, Fedex Office needs at least 2-4 days to print business cards, so again I saw no salvation to my dilemma.

Whelp ladies and gentlemen much like everything written in the blog, there is a lesson here.

  1. Always do your homework before going to a professional event.
  2. Someone invented Vistaprint for a reason, USE it!
  3. Don’t stress yourself out too much!
  4. Be clear on what you want to get out of the event
  5. Follow-up!!!

For those of you who are wondering, I ended up having a great time at the conference. I chose not to stress about my lack of business cards, but rather focus on meeting new people, having conversations and asking for their cards! It ended up being a great conference, and I learned a lot about myself and networking. Below is a link to the conference, if you are in the Boston area, make sure to check it out: http://www.maconferenceforwomen.org/

I Love You, But it’s Killing Me

So I have come to the realization that I am the type of person that allows everyone’s shit to become my shit. Don’t get me wrong, I mean it in the most loving tone and I do it out of love. I genuinely want to help the people in my life with their shit.  Though I do not think I actually know the difference between helping them and jumping in and fixing it for them. It’s not like I go out trying to fix everyone’s problems, fight crime when I get home from work, and be a hero.  I certainly do not think I am superwoman (though the thought of being able to fly is quite enticing), It honestly just happens that way. All of this has led me to believe that I have an issue.

The issue evolves from the pure fact that my attempts at being supportive usually end with their problems somehow becoming my problems. I end up being more upset, more stressed, and more exhausted than they are. I literally take over completely and DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY!

Truth is, I don’t think I know how to be the compassionate friend. Meaning, support them through issues in life, as in listen and just be supportive. Instead, I go bat shit crazy, jump in, and join the suffering and commiseration. I am the friend who thinks it’s my duty to see them through the end and make sure they feel better so that, NO– I can feel better. I overstep boundaries, I follow-up constantly on progress, all because I genuinely feel bad if it doesn’t go the way, NO–I expected.

In an effort to not go mad<– me wishing I had a British accent, I have decided to learn what it really means to be compassionate and be a supportive friend. I vow to find the balance between telling your boyfriend off for you, and giving you that awkward “I’m Sorrrry” look accompanied with the “Sucks to be You” uncomfortable hug.

Wait..So Life Doesn’t Pause when I Need a Break?

I don’t claim to know everything, if fact this blog is precisely about the opposite. This blog is based on the principles of me not knowing anything about the future but what I have learned from my past and what I am currently learning about the present. With that being said, I thought I would be breaking my cardinal rule of being honest, if I didn’t share a little secret about where I’ve been learning some things about life and being in my twenties.

With the hope of turning pinkrosesandredwine into  a place that helps young people, much like what Oprah’s book club did for the average suburban mom/housewife/and television watcher. Here I go..

Over the summer I read the The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter — And How to Make the Most of Them Now,  by University of Virginia clinical psychologist Meg Jay. She breaks the book up into three parts, the first being Work, second Love, and lastly the Brain.

In each section, she discusses the relationship twenty-somethings have with that specific part of the book. Using the real life examples of clients she’s worked with, Jay makes these tough life lessons easy to digest and execute effectively. The book spells out the truths associated with all the decisions twenty-somethings make and how they will affect them in the future. The points she makes are bold, intelligent, and undeniably true.

She puts a real life price on how crucial this period is in a person’s life. Whether you are a twenty-something or know one, this book can be beneficial in figuring out issues your son/daughter/friend/or relative are going through.

Here are a couple links that explain the book in more detail. One is a podcast with the author, and the other is an article from Business Insider:

http://www.npr.org/2012/04/22/150429128/our-roaring-20s-the-defining-decade

http://www.businessinsider.com/dr-meg-jay-the-defining-decade-2012-7?op=1

Let me know your thoughts on the book if you’ve heard of it, or if you are currently reading it!