My Life, One Big Romantic Comedy

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. We have a genuine connection without all the drama. It’s just two people who are best friends and share common interests. It’s one of those relationships that forced me to re-evaluate all of my previous ones and smack myself for all the dumb decisions I’ve made. The difference between this relationship and all others, is that I realized that if I wanted that “Rom-Com” kind of love, I needed to cast the right actor for the role. I needed to find that person that I *SPARKED* with, who I had that organic chemistry with. I was in search of the “Carrie & Big” kind of chemistry, minus all the breakup stuff. So I set my sights on meeting my “Mr. Big” and lucky me, I found him!

In this life, you have to use all resources to gain perspective on all things foreign, why should love be any different? Romantic Comedies can be used as tools to gain the upper hand in all things related to love, if used properly. You laugh now, but having watched He’s Just Not That Into You, Hitch, The Devil Wears Prada, and all six seasons of Sex and the City more than 1,000 times I am fully qualified to speak on all things pertaining to love. I know in my previous posts I’ve warned against watching movies (see: Don’t Watch Movies) when getting out of a relationship, but when trying to start one, movies are the perfect vehicle to learn from others’ mistakes without having to go through the embarrassment yourself.

Situation #1 : You’ve been dating the same guy for 7 years, you live together, and he hasn’t proposed because he doesn’t believe in marriage. Solution: Break up with him. When you have a family emergency and he comes back like a Knight in shining armor , take him back. Remind yourself that the only conditions that need to be placed on your relationship are the ones you mutually agree upon.

Situation #2: You broke up with your guy after finding out that he’s secretly the “Date-Doctor”, whom you think only helps guys get into bed with women, but then find out that he’s actually the “Love Doctor”. Solution: Apologize, and when he doesn’t accept it, wait. When he finally figures out that you are the one, play hard-to-get. Feel free to use your sister’s good-looking husband as a prop in your scheme. Remind yourself that you are worth him taking the leap of faith with you in this relationship, even if his leap includes a physical one on top of your Mini Cooper.

Situation #3: When you and your guy breakup because you finally got a job that will open a ton doors for you, and propel you further in your career; and you spend more time at work, going to parties, running errands around NYC, wearing Chanel boots, and flying to Paris than you spend eating Jarlsberg grilled cheese sandwiches in your studio apartment with your boyfriend. Solution: You will realize that your job sucks; you’ll quit and still get an awesome reference. Then, you’ll end up meeting up with your ex and he’ll tell you he’s moving to Boston, you’ll know that the train ride is only 3 hours from NYC and you two will have time to work on your relationship

Situation#4: If you have been dating a guy for 10 years, but he he’s having a tough time committing to you, moves to Napa, has his guard up ALL the time, gets married and divorced twice, and still has trouble getting out of limos to join you at the altar. Solution: Remind yourself that love does not conquer all; you still need to pay rent, and live your own life. Things generally don’t work out when you are willing to give more than the other person. After you both realize this, it will be the most opportune time for the love of your life to literally sweep you off your feet.

I can’t say it’s a perfect science, but hey.. Something clicked

stan and t

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I Love You, But it’s Killing Me

So I have come to the realization that I am the type of person that allows everyone’s shit to become my shit. Don’t get me wrong, I mean it in the most loving tone and I do it out of love. I genuinely want to help the people in my life with their shit.  Though I do not think I actually know the difference between helping them and jumping in and fixing it for them. It’s not like I go out trying to fix everyone’s problems, fight crime when I get home from work, and be a hero.  I certainly do not think I am superwoman (though the thought of being able to fly is quite enticing), It honestly just happens that way. All of this has led me to believe that I have an issue.

The issue evolves from the pure fact that my attempts at being supportive usually end with their problems somehow becoming my problems. I end up being more upset, more stressed, and more exhausted than they are. I literally take over completely and DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY!

Truth is, I don’t think I know how to be the compassionate friend. Meaning, support them through issues in life, as in listen and just be supportive. Instead, I go bat shit crazy, jump in, and join the suffering and commiseration. I am the friend who thinks it’s my duty to see them through the end and make sure they feel better so that, NO– I can feel better. I overstep boundaries, I follow-up constantly on progress, all because I genuinely feel bad if it doesn’t go the way, NO–I expected.

In an effort to not go mad<– me wishing I had a British accent, I have decided to learn what it really means to be compassionate and be a supportive friend. I vow to find the balance between telling your boyfriend off for you, and giving you that awkward “I’m Sorrrry” look accompanied with the “Sucks to be You” uncomfortable hug.

Coffee Addicts Anonymous.. or not

They say the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. Whelp, ladies and gentleman, my name is Tatiana and I am a coffee addict. If I do not get my coffee by 8:45 am each morning, all hell breaks loose.I think about coffee before I go to bed, wondering where my next cup is going to come from. I think about coffee at work, when I hit my mid-afternoon slump and need my “pick-me-up”. And sometimes after dinner I can barely resist the smooth, hot, two creams, one sugar, calming effects of that coveted cup. If I could get my fix intravenously, I would.

Folgers was my gateway cup of choice, though gradually I moved onto stronger brands such as Eight O’Clock Coffee, Dunkin’ Donuts, and then Starbucks. And as the amount of cups a day increased so did the $$ spent. In college I managed to spend $180 a month on my addiction. For a poor college student, I quickly prioritized my needs.

With that being said, I have learned to make peace with my so-called addition, and even more generously share with you all. Throughout the course of the year, I think I’ll use my addition for good and explore the various coffee shops in Boston and find out what goes into these magically cups of joy. Stay tuned….

This weekend:

  • Berkeley Perk Café
  • Wired Puppy

 

 

No Pink Roses, but we got Red Wine

Everybody wants to feel loved. A simple yet hefty statement. Though, this statement lends itself to allow people to go great lengths to feel loved and fall in love. But how far is too far? And more importantly how much are we willing to give up to get it? Is there an equation for love, some hidden set of rules for who and when we get our shot?

I mean don’t get me wrong, I love falling in love, and the feeling of a great date. I’m not going to sit here and bullshit you into thinking I’m one of those fuck men I don’t need “d*ck kind of women. Because truth is everyone needs it. Yes gay men out there I mean you too, and you too Miss I parade around judging all those tramps fornicating all over the place. Meanwhile, you’re the girl keeping Pornhub.com in business I AM TALKING TO YOU!

Well back to the point, sorry I get a little testy when it comes to the judgmental ones.

We go through great lengths to be in relationships. Here are a few of my gems:

You wait by your phone checking to make sure you have service, volume is on high, or you sit and wait for that tiny red dot to start blinking, or the message window to pop up, on the off chance you went deaf and blind, at the exact same time that all the cell phone towers around you all of a sudden suffered some mechanical failure that oh so tragically prevented you from receiving that fabulous if not meaningful response to your ” hey last night was fun, want to do something this week?” text.
Then when your response comes 3 hours later in the form of ” umm yea, sure hit me up.” You somehow are giddy with joy and can’t believe he wants to see you again! You begin to dance around the living room like you’ve just won the $5,000,000 Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.

You “casually” start stopping by the bar by his house when his favorite football team is playing to “grab a beer with your friends” on the off chance he might be there.

Dates become late night McDonalds runs on your side of town just on the off chance that he runs into Dave, you know his “annoying friend who he’s been trying to avoid”, and its just easier to drive the 15 miles to your McDonalds.

Please don’t take this as me passing judgment, I’ve been there been there done it a thousand times too many. But, just a thought, we all agree we are willing to go some large distances to prove to ourselves that we can deal with all of his “quirks” because this could go “somewhere”. He maybe flaking, rude, judgmental, distant, fucking other people, taking 4 hours to answer text messages, but somewhere deep down he really cares and wants to make this work. ERRGGGGHHH????

The place you have arrived to is called Settletown population 1,000,000. This is the place where you settle for a hamburger when you deserve the Filet Mignon. Grape juice instead of that fabulous glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, Fro-yo instead of Ice Cream, Regular instead of Premium, or a vibrator instead of the real deal! I am in no way trying to be rude and negative but really doe? Get it together!
Sometimes in a relationships, and I do mean a relationship, in which two people are equally physically and emotionally invested, you go the distance. Get out of your comfort zone, compromise, hell you may even start watching sports. But ladies let’s be real you know when you aren’t being true to your self. Muster up the strength and move forward because there are over 4 billion men in the world, this loser isn’t the ONE.