Some girl is sleeping in my bed…

Life is interesting… Or maybe I should say people are interesting. Matter of fact I’m interesting (not to toot my own horn or anything). I have dreamed of living in New York City longer than I can remember. I’ve always been infatuated with the lights, glamour, hustle, people, food, and art. Another dream of mine was to become a clothing Buyer. I’ve always wanted to be the person that chose the fabulous blouse and great jeans that made someone’s day. Whelp a few months ago, after years of studying the business, struggling, failing, then finally succeeding, my dreams came true. I got promoted to Buyer and moved to New York City into a fabulous (yet small) studio apartment on the Upper East Side. Everyday, I now get to select, edit, and buy the fabulous blouse and jeans that I’ve always wanted to.

Life is great and I could not ask for anything more. To get to see a dream of mine come to fruition at the tender age of 24, is amazing and powerful at the same time. I am so proud of myself and everything that I’ve accomplished. But.. and there is always a but… in transitioning into my self defined greatness I’ve also realized that I’ve left a lot behind me; my home in Boston, friends, and boyfriend. My old roommate has found a new roommate, my boyfriend still frequents our old hangout spots without me, and my friends are still up to their antics without me present. My intentions when writing this were to express how sad I was about everything not stopping because I was no longer present, which I know sounds wildly self-centered of me, but this is my blog and I can speak my truth (so ha!).

After further thought I now realize that my decision to move was a critical and necessary one for ME. I chose to make the decision to move to NYC and live alone to challenge myself and live out my dreams. To think that everything would stop or slow down purely because I was no longer there was ridiculous. Life goes on. It doesn’t slow down for anything or anyone. For the past three months, I have felt like I’ve been missing out on everything in Boston, when in actuality I’ve been missing out on things in New York. I now realize that sometimes you have to let go of something good to get something great (career wise, not my friends/ boyfriend.. I love them).

To sit and wish I was somewhere else is to waste where I am now. I need to sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I got here…. now to figure out what to do with it all.

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Food for Thought: Morning Digest

My roommate and one of my best friends definitely falls under the category of “insatiable article reader”, she goes hours without even noticing anyone is in the room (which totally sucks when you want to have a conversation with someone other than yourself).  However, one of the perks of having a friend who is obsessed with reading articles, it that they tend to share. This morning I woke up to an e-mail titled “Food for Thought”, knowing that it was from my beloved article reader, I braced myself for a long one. But to my surprise, it was short, sweet, and thought invoking; my favorite kind!  Here it is:

“An old Cherokee chief took his grandchildren into the forest and sat them down and said to them, “A fight is going on inside me. This is a terrible fight and it is a fight between two wolves. One wolf is the wolf of fear, anger, arrogance, and greed. The other wolf is the wolf of courage, kindness, humility, and love.” The children were very quiet and listening to their grandfather with both their ears as he then said to them, “This same fight between the two wolves that is going on inside of me is also going on inside of you, and inside of every person. They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked the chief, “Grandfather, which wolf will win the fight?”

He said quietly, “The one you feed.”

 – Old Cherokee legend, quoted in Someday You’ll Thank Me for This!

It made me realize that I am in control of how I choose to start my day. I make the conscious choice to feed each wolf that lives in me. Hope this finds all of you well this morning!

My roommate also has a blog, Check hers out: EverythingTaylored

Click here for the origins of the story.

I Love You, But it’s Killing Me

So I have come to the realization that I am the type of person that allows everyone’s shit to become my shit. Don’t get me wrong, I mean it in the most loving tone and I do it out of love. I genuinely want to help the people in my life with their shit.  Though I do not think I actually know the difference between helping them and jumping in and fixing it for them. It’s not like I go out trying to fix everyone’s problems, fight crime when I get home from work, and be a hero.  I certainly do not think I am superwoman (though the thought of being able to fly is quite enticing), It honestly just happens that way. All of this has led me to believe that I have an issue.

The issue evolves from the pure fact that my attempts at being supportive usually end with their problems somehow becoming my problems. I end up being more upset, more stressed, and more exhausted than they are. I literally take over completely and DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY!

Truth is, I don’t think I know how to be the compassionate friend. Meaning, support them through issues in life, as in listen and just be supportive. Instead, I go bat shit crazy, jump in, and join the suffering and commiseration. I am the friend who thinks it’s my duty to see them through the end and make sure they feel better so that, NO– I can feel better. I overstep boundaries, I follow-up constantly on progress, all because I genuinely feel bad if it doesn’t go the way, NO–I expected.

In an effort to not go mad<– me wishing I had a British accent, I have decided to learn what it really means to be compassionate and be a supportive friend. I vow to find the balance between telling your boyfriend off for you, and giving you that awkward “I’m Sorrrry” look accompanied with the “Sucks to be You” uncomfortable hug.

I’m only myself after the hours of 9-5 and at Happy Hour

What does it mean to be authentic?

As I go through what one might call a quarter life crisis, I’ve tried to identify traits that I hold dear to me in all of my relationships. Knowing that authenticity and one’s ability to remain consistent to some degree is of importance to me, I try to hold on to the people in my life that I feel are truly being themselves. But then I couldn’t help but challenge/ critic my own thought process. Knowing that I am going through a ” quarter life crisis”, where I am trying to find myself, how can I expect the people in my life to know themselves to a higher degree than I do? What makes it okay for me to be inconsistent and on my journey, but not okay for others? To be honest the truth is, it makes ME feel better to have some consistency in my life, meaning that those in my life need to have things already figured out!
So knowing that is completely unreasonable and stupid, what can I do to prevent these high expectations from bubbling up in my mind?  Seeing people for the good they bring to the table rather than what they bring to ME is one way to look at it, though it may be asking too much in the moment. If I’m being honest.
I’ve dedicated to judge based on authenticity and one’s ability to remain true to their core values in all situations. Consistency  can no longer be the gauge,but  AUTHENTICITY I can certainly respect.

My Love Affair with Falling in Like

Why is that women don’t feel complete without the love and affection from a man? Okay so maybe the last statement may have been a little broad but nonetheless most of you know where I’m coming from. Life is just so different when you’re checking your phone every time you think you heard a vibration or magically you hear the new ringtone you just downloaded ( that you programmed just for him) don’t judge, you know you’ve all done it before. Point blank you walk a little taller, smile a little bigger, and even dress a little sexier( not sluttier ladies, just sexier), Courtney at the office doesn’t bother you ohh so very much and you can’t even explain this giddyness except to proclaim ” he said.. Have a great morning!”

I’m not saying it’s pathetic, because honestly thats what all of us young women are looking for. To know that you are being thought of and to know that he (in your most girly voice of voices) has been thinking about you. Your thoughts are consumed and all you want to do is spend more time with that person. You’ve thought about your next conversation, your next date, hell your wedding, honeymoon suite and what (insert children’s’ names here) will look like in the annual family Christmas card.

So ladies how is it that this man can alter us in such a way after a few dates? How is it possible to be so topsy turvy, so infatuated, so “in like” and so excited for something so new?

It’s natural, its’ what keeps the excitement in our lives. I mean who doesn’t love love? Who wouldn’t want someone to love you for you, someone who adores you? I mean come on you’ve just spent some of that rent money on a new outfit, new clutch and M.A.C eye shadow just for him! ( all of which I have done in the past, and do not condone let’s be financially smart here)  And then it hits you, the first time he sees you without makeup and says “You’re so beautiful”. You melt. You die. You want to immediately call your girlfriends and gush even before you have the time to breathe and say “Thank you”.

And when this new infatuation wears off and you find out that he may not be the guy for you. Remember that this love/ infatuation thing happens at first with everyone, it’s up to you to not be lazy and find the right one for you!

Go out there, BE YOU and find him ladies.