Some girl is sleeping in my bed…

Life is interesting… Or maybe I should say people are interesting. Matter of fact I’m interesting (not to toot my own horn or anything). I have dreamed of living in New York City longer than I can remember. I’ve always been infatuated with the lights, glamour, hustle, people, food, and art. Another dream of mine was to become a clothing Buyer. I’ve always wanted to be the person that chose the fabulous blouse and great jeans that made someone’s day. Whelp a few months ago, after years of studying the business, struggling, failing, then finally succeeding, my dreams came true. I got promoted to Buyer and moved to New York City into a fabulous (yet small) studio apartment on the Upper East Side. Everyday, I now get to select, edit, and buy the fabulous blouse and jeans that I’ve always wanted to.

Life is great and I could not ask for anything more. To get to see a dream of mine come to fruition at the tender age of 24, is amazing and powerful at the same time. I am so proud of myself and everything that I’ve accomplished. But.. and there is always a but… in transitioning into my self defined greatness I’ve also realized that I’ve left a lot behind me; my home in Boston, friends, and boyfriend. My old roommate has found a new roommate, my boyfriend still frequents our old hangout spots without me, and my friends are still up to their antics without me present. My intentions when writing this were to express how sad I was about everything not stopping because I was no longer present, which I know sounds wildly self-centered of me, but this is my blog and I can speak my truth (so ha!).

After further thought I now realize that my decision to move was a critical and necessary one for ME. I chose to make the decision to move to NYC and live alone to challenge myself and live out my dreams. To think that everything would stop or slow down purely because I was no longer there was ridiculous. Life goes on. It doesn’t slow down for anything or anyone. For the past three months, I have felt like I’ve been missing out on everything in Boston, when in actuality I’ve been missing out on things in New York. I now realize that sometimes you have to let go of something good to get something great (career wise, not my friends/ boyfriend.. I love them).

To sit and wish I was somewhere else is to waste where I am now. I need to sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I got here…. now to figure out what to do with it all.

You Can Only Control the Controllables

I am a control freak, this I know.  If there is anything I know about myself, it’s that if it can be planned, put into an Excel spreadsheet, checked off, or crossed out, I am all over it. For those of you who are the “fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants” kind of people, I either sound like an alien from another planet or your best friend. My ability to juggle tons of details is perfect for my line of work, but murderous in all other aspects of my life, like the weather, my love life, friendships, and the general day- to-day functions of being a human being.

This past Sunday, I watched an episode of Super Soul Sunday on OWN featuring DeVonn Franklin a film executive, pastor, author, motivational speaker, and husband to Meaghan Good. Throughout the episode he used an analogy that related life to a movie project. He spoke in a spiritual sense about God being the director and us being there to co-create our lives. He went on to talk about conflict being the key to building character and growing on-screen and off.  Like any good movie, the ability of actors to accept conflict and push themselves to further to new heights, is the key to developing the storyline (and makes for great ratings!).

He went on to say that we needed to know what the vision of our lives was, and gain clarity about our purpose. Without doing so, we would be unclear of our next steps and goals.

Whether you are a religious, spiritual, or an atheist, the message can still be received.  What I got out of it, was that we can not control everything in our lives, so the less we stress about everything being “perfect” the more we can concentrate on development and growth. The more we persevere through hardships, struggles, and against eating that delicious chocolate fudge brownie, the more we grow as people (I am trying to give up sweet treats!).

Being a twenty-something is hard purely for the fact that I have no idea who I am yet. I have no idea what it really feels like to hit rock bottom, nor do I want to. I have no idea how far I will go or how long it will take me to get there.  But I will say that it feels damn great to know that I can’t fuck this up because I cannot control everything else around me. All I can control is myself, and in some way that’s empowering. I have to have faith in myself that I can create my vision, my inspiration, and my development, the rest is up to the universe.

Here’s a link to a clip from the episode: Super Soul Sunday- DeVon Franklin

I Love You, But it’s Killing Me

So I have come to the realization that I am the type of person that allows everyone’s shit to become my shit. Don’t get me wrong, I mean it in the most loving tone and I do it out of love. I genuinely want to help the people in my life with their shit.  Though I do not think I actually know the difference between helping them and jumping in and fixing it for them. It’s not like I go out trying to fix everyone’s problems, fight crime when I get home from work, and be a hero.  I certainly do not think I am superwoman (though the thought of being able to fly is quite enticing), It honestly just happens that way. All of this has led me to believe that I have an issue.

The issue evolves from the pure fact that my attempts at being supportive usually end with their problems somehow becoming my problems. I end up being more upset, more stressed, and more exhausted than they are. I literally take over completely and DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY!

Truth is, I don’t think I know how to be the compassionate friend. Meaning, support them through issues in life, as in listen and just be supportive. Instead, I go bat shit crazy, jump in, and join the suffering and commiseration. I am the friend who thinks it’s my duty to see them through the end and make sure they feel better so that, NO– I can feel better. I overstep boundaries, I follow-up constantly on progress, all because I genuinely feel bad if it doesn’t go the way, NO–I expected.

In an effort to not go mad<– me wishing I had a British accent, I have decided to learn what it really means to be compassionate and be a supportive friend. I vow to find the balance between telling your boyfriend off for you, and giving you that awkward “I’m Sorrrry” look accompanied with the “Sucks to be You” uncomfortable hug.

Birthdays Come but Once a Year.

Birthdays usually mean one of two things:

1. Time to celebrate with friends and talk about all the things you’ve done and all the things you will do.

2. Lay in bed miserable crying about how old you are, feeling badly about all the time you’ve wasted and blah blah blah. (Fortunately, being 24 I haven’t had to experience such thoughts yet, and hopefully never will, but I digress).

Let’s say you fall into bucket #1, birthdays can be like new beginnings, an automatic refresh button that allows us to reset our lives. New Years brings New Year resolutions with hopes of being a better you. Anniversaries give us a reason to celebrate one more year of love and happiness with boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives.

Point being, everyone has a day that forces them to take a step back and examine life, and get a pulse of their progression. It just seems odd to me that as people we don’t reflect more often and think of everyday as the refresh button. Every day is a chance to take a step back, take a deep breath and look back upon our lives. Every day has the potential to be a “New Year”, a “Birthday” and every day is a new step  on your journey.

Basically what I’m trying to say, is that birthdays only come once a year, so we shouldn’t have to wait for them to take time and reflect. Lord knows I am not that patient. But frankly, we have that option every single day.
Here are the ways I choose to take a step back :
  1. Meditation –Top 8 Tips for Meditation.
  2. Reading –  these are my favorites: Iyanla Vanzant- One Day my Soul Just Opened Up & Micheal Singer – The Untethered Soul.
  3. Get a journal and write down your goals that way you have something tangible to work towards.

Welcome to the Real Deal

I tend to be frank and air on the side of honesty. I have thoughts and opinions about everything, and try not to be sorry for them. I value hard work and effort. I am completely turned off by people who live life with an attitude of defeat. Mostly because, I don’t think there is anything I can not do. I may have a glimmer of doubt about some things, but never will I let that glimmer become anything but that — a f*cking glimmer.

I have a mouth on me and like to use the f word periodically, I think it has to do with the fact I was never allowed to curse at home or in front of my mother, so I take full advantage when I can.

I don’t love often, but when I do I love hard. New year new me.

Welcome to pinkrosesandredwine in 2013!

Coffee Addicts Anonymous.. or not

They say the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. Whelp, ladies and gentleman, my name is Tatiana and I am a coffee addict. If I do not get my coffee by 8:45 am each morning, all hell breaks loose.I think about coffee before I go to bed, wondering where my next cup is going to come from. I think about coffee at work, when I hit my mid-afternoon slump and need my “pick-me-up”. And sometimes after dinner I can barely resist the smooth, hot, two creams, one sugar, calming effects of that coveted cup. If I could get my fix intravenously, I would.

Folgers was my gateway cup of choice, though gradually I moved onto stronger brands such as Eight O’Clock Coffee, Dunkin’ Donuts, and then Starbucks. And as the amount of cups a day increased so did the $$ spent. In college I managed to spend $180 a month on my addiction. For a poor college student, I quickly prioritized my needs.

With that being said, I have learned to make peace with my so-called addition, and even more generously share with you all. Throughout the course of the year, I think I’ll use my addition for good and explore the various coffee shops in Boston and find out what goes into these magically cups of joy. Stay tuned….

This weekend:

  • Berkeley Perk Café
  • Wired Puppy

 

 

An Ode to Ms. Barbara Walters

Welcome to 3rd Grade. Mrs. Rosenfeld’s Class . Voorhees Elementary School. “Pick someone who you what to be like when you grow up. Everyone will do a presentation of their  person.” I picked Barbara Walters. I wanted to be a … Continue reading